. A play on Words
Submissions for the
yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternate meanings for common words.{
A neologism is a word,
term, or phrase that has been recently created (or "coined"), often
to apply to new concepts, to synthesize pre-existing concepts]
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer
the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over
by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.),(back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish
men.
17. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
The Washington Post's
Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all
these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,
a serious
bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming
only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): Al l talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when
they come at you rapidly.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub
in the
fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
17. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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Humour
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