You Gotta Love the Irish

There were 2 Irish guys working for the city council. One would dig
a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again."

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a
3-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.

---

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes.” I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

---

Michael was in New York.

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.’ Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

---

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!’
Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

---

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

---

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

---

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

---

An Irish Story

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....

'Doctor, it's me bum. Can ye tek a look at it?.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible' he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.

'This is amazing!' exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur gudness sake tek it out, man! 'shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Doctor, tank ye kindly, dat's much batter. Just out of interest, how much was in dare den?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, dat'd be rite,'' says the Irishman

(Wait for it...........scroll down.

 

 

 

 

 

'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand..'

---

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
the
car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Bejasus! He's done it
again!'